


Strangers

by kriswu



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, F/F, Possibly Unrequited Love, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2019-01-20 04:08:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12424713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kriswu/pseuds/kriswu
Summary: When I wake up all alone, and I'm thinking of your skin, I remember what you told me.





	Strangers

**Author's Note:**

> this is loosely based on halsey's strangers, because i'm obsessed. i think she said the song is about two girls and the first time they see each other but whatever, this is my take on it. it is, of course, word vomit, and it also is not beta'd because i never do that.
> 
> it's the first time i write something in over a year, so i hope you forgive how rusty my vocabulary is. (and how abrupt and open that ending is, even if most of my fics end like that. i actually just really wanted to write something before starting one story that’s been dying to get out of my head for months now, and also, another story that was prompted two years ago and i never really got around to writing it due to writer’s block and personal issues. don’t hate me pls.)

Waking up early had always been one of Jongdae’s favourite things to do; the quiet that came with the last hours of early morning accompanied by the chirping of the birds and the breaking of dawn gave her a sense of peace and happiness that she rarely felt at any other time of the day. Lately, though, she’d been despising leaving her bed at all.

See, love wasn’t something that came easy to her, hence her moderate list of friends with benefits, or, like Baekhyun liked to call it, the ‘members of the Jongdae short-term elite companionship club’, and so, the fact that she had neglected her feelings in order to enjoy what little affect this other girl could give her was now taking its toll on her.

Kim Junmyeon, first of her class all through school, and now, first of most of her classes in university, had made Jongdae’s heart fill with a strange emotion, something somewhere between excitement and fondness with a hint of admiration, and Jongdae hadn’t even realised until Junmyeon herself had put a stop to their casual relationship.

 

_They’d known of each other’s existence most of their lives, being from the same neighbourhood, but had never been more than acquaintances up until their last year of high school, when they finally had a couple of classes together. In that class, Jongdae had understood that Junmyeon, even with her model student façade, was also a regular teenager who secretly drank and went to parties. She didn’t smoke, though._

_“My parents don’t force me to be a good student; I do it because I want to be someone who helps this world get better, you know?” She told Jongdae with eyes that showed some wisdom. “I know I’m young and there are many possibilities, but I just like to live for myself without getting carried away.”_

_“I think that’s good,” Jongdae replied, thoughtful, “your mindset is accurate and very mature. I like it.”_

_Junmyeon chuckled._

_“Yeah, anyone would be surprised if they knew this about me, wouldn’t they?” Jongdae nodded. “I just love listening them whisper in the halls, talking about how I’m this religious, gracious girl. I love to know they think they know me. It empowers me.”_

 

Jongdae always remembered the most trivial of things about Junmyeon, and it bothered her more than she let on. She sighed and checked her phone, which she hoped would show a missed call from a certain someone she hadn’t stopped thinking about for over a week now, but all she saw were three messages from Minseok asking for notes and to know if they’d be having lunch together later that day, and nothing else. Even the occasional calls had stopped.

 

It was not Junmyeon’s fault at all, Jongdae thought as she walked to a café near her flat.

When she and Junmyeon had started messing around, around the first semester of their second year at university, they’d both been crystal clear about the boundaries of their relationship; if they were to keep their friendship alive, they would not let it go as far as developing feelings for each other, or else it would end up in disaster. Now, in the first semester of their third year, Jongdae was feeling stupid for not realising sooner that staying in bed, talking all morning, and staying home together during weekends couldn’t lead to anything but feelings that were out of line.

Part of her was glad that she was the one getting hurt by her own bad decisions, but another part wondered what would it be like if Junmyeon had reciprocated her feelings, and that hurt more. What else did she expect? She’d always known Junmyeon was one of those people who came into people’s lives only to leave a vast emptiness when she left.

She reached the handle of the café door and entered, feeling slightly refreshed by the smell of baked goods just out of the oven, and coffee. She spotted Minseok at a table close to the right and made her way quickly, looking around again in case there was a familiar face, but she saw no one.

“You’re looking pretty today,” Minseok told her as she sat down. “Hoping to run into someone, aren’t we?”

Jongdae groaned, “would you quit it? I did not even try today.”

It was the truth. In fact, she was wearing the same dress from the day before.

“That’s what’s great about you,” Minseok laughed, “you’re awfully short tempered, but you actually don’t try to be pretty yet still look good. That helps you cover all of your flaws; it’s cute.”

“Shut it,” Jongdae replied as she took her notebook from her bag. “I know your crush on me doesn’t let you sleep well and that’s why you’re always talking nonsense.”

Minseok snorted, “you wish. Anyway, I ordered an Americano and some scones for you already.”

“Look, Minseok,” Jongdae replied seriously, “I want to make a pact. If by the time we’re 40 we’re still single, we should marry.”

“Who’s got a crush on whom now?”

Jongdae was about to give Minseok the most sarcastic answer she could think of, when she saw Junmyeon crossing the street in the direction of the café. She froze and felt her face get cold, as if all her blood had literally left it.

“Junmyeon’s at the door. What do I do?”

“How should I know?” Minseok replied, clueless, before looking at Jongdae’s face properly. “You’re scarily pale, are you not seeing each other anymore?”

Jongdae sighed. “No.”

She hadn’t told this to anyone because, well, it was casual, wasn’t it? No need to tell people about it.

“What happened?” Minseok looked shocked, “I thought you were getting serious.”

“Funny, my subconscious thought so too,” Jongdae rolled her eyes. “Our most basic rule was to not develop feelings for each other, but one night, at a party, I drank a bit too much and got jealous about some girl hitting on her, and she decided it was enough. Not my best performance, I should say.”

“I am speechless,” Minseok replied, eyes wide, “look at you, never took you for a fan of unrequited love.”

Jongdae sighed, making room for her cup of coffee and plate.

“Neither did I, honestly, but she’s so perfect,” she sighed again. “She’s so surprising and exciting! She’s one of those people you never get tired of, you know?”

“Eh,” Minseok winced, “all I know is you’re in deep, deep shit, Jongdae.”

“Aw, thank you for telling me, I might have not noticed that myself if it wasn’t for your detailed analysis of this situation.”

 

“Wow, you must be feeling really lonely,” Yixing said as she walked into Jongdae’s shared flat. “You went as far as to calling me, I’m impressed.”

Jongdae scowled, “is it wrong to invite a nice friend over for a drink?”

“Yeah, right,” Yixing rolled her eyes, “you only ever call me when you want either sex or someone to pick you up.”

“There’s a first time for everything, you distrustful woman.”

She left Yixing on the sofa and walked into the kitchen, busying herself with serving some meat on a plate and opening a bottle of red wine. It was true that she always called Yixing in those cases, but it was also true that they were friends; there was nothing strange about wanting to spend more time with her as a friend, was it?

 

_They sat in front of a riverbank, waiting for fish to take either of their baits._

_“I think of friends as people who should not always depend on others, you know?” Junmyeon asked Jongdae._

_Jongdae shook her head._

_“You see, we’ve been taught since we were children that we must depend on others to succeed,” she started explaining, “in my case, I’ve been always told that I must meet important people, make connections and have a wide network by the time I’m thirty five, because I’m an only child and my father isn’t orthodox enough to think I can’t take his place since I’m a woman. However, I think that’s unnecessary: connections only allow you to walk all over people who, for one reason or the other, don’t have the same means. That’s questionable to me.”_

_“But that’s in a business environment, though,” Jongdae said, biting her lip._

_“I know, but you know what’s also business?” Junmyeon asked, not waiting for a reply, “friendships. And I know, I know you’re going to tell me not to be such a businesswoman about this, but hear me out.”_

_“Friendships start off with people who take an interest in each other. Then it evolves, it starts taking shape and it becomes this thing with emotions and knowledge of someone other than ourselves. It can become something unconditional, irrational and even dangerous, very much like business, and true love. It then settles; it finally becomes something that is constantly there, something you can use and sometimes abuse. We all do it without noticing. What do you think would happen if there was this one person who’s highly dependable, but suddenly, they disappear?”_

_“Wonder?” Jongdae said stupidly, thinking she had no idea where that conversation was going anymore._

_Junmyeon chuckled, “well, yes, you could do that, too, but no. If someone like that disappeared, a person who is the only one that can help with something, you’d have your hands full of something you can’t deal with,” Junmyeon smiled. “In business, it could be something really delicate, like the future of a company, or legalities. In personal affairs, it could be money, knowledge, or feelings. That, too, is delicate.”_

_“I think,” Junmyeon continued, “there’s a very thin line between individuality and solitude, and it is important to know where that line is. Embracing individuality is ideal, but it doesn’t mean solitude isn’t good. I guess what I’m trying to say is, it’s not wrong to protect yourself from others, it’s not wrong to have friends either, but it’s very helpful to know when to stop, where to draw the line, how to depend on yourself.”_

 

She placed the empty wine glasses on the floor and the meat on the sofa, between her own crossed legs and Yixing’s as she read the label, “blah, blah, Merlot, blah, California, 1992, blah,” she said, making Yixing giggle. She smiled despite herself.

“You’re so terribly cute. That’s not fair, you know,” Jongdae told her.

“Yeah, well,” Yixing shrugged, “not really my fault, is it? I carry the weight of the most amazing DNA on my shoulders.”

Jongdae laughed at that.

Yixing wasn’t conceited, although she was aware of her good looks, it was just that Jongdae always made sure to tell her how cute she thought she was and so now, for Yixing, it was a matter of producing the best answer to get a laugh out of Jongdae.

“Right,” Yixing said grabbing a piece of meat and filling her own glass of wine, “since I’m sensing you’re not up for talking about whatever it’s got your knicks in a twist just yet, I’ll talk about a problem of my own.”

“You really don’t believe I just wanted to talk to you? I’m hurt.”

“You don’t have enough heart to feel hurt by my words, don’t try to fool me.”

Jongdae smiled again; she had such great friends, she’d marry them all in a heartbeat.

“Whatever, then. What’s got _your_ knickers in a twist, then?”

Yixing sighed, “well,” she sighed again, “there is this girl…”

Jongdae gasped, “let it not be me.”

“You wish,” Yixing rolled her eyes. “She’s so tall and so, so sexy, you know? And she’s foreign, and I mean really foreign, not like me, a simple Chinese.”

“When you’ve finished, kindly remember to wipe your drool and other fluids off my sofa.”

“Oh, shut up. Anyways, she’s also sporty and her voice is low and sexy. Reckon she could be a model if she wanted; she is _so_ sexy, Jongdae. I can hardly control my thirst.”

“I hope,” Jongdae replied, face showing slight disgust and mild amusement all at once, “you never talked about me like that to anyone.”

“Sorry to destroy your hopes and dreams, but you’re really not my type,” Yixing said savagely. “You do have a very tempting body, though, and _that_ I made sure to tell pretty much anyone who so much as mentioned your name. How do you think I got to meet you?”

“Wow,” Jongdae replied, “I actually don’t know how to feel about that.”

They talked a bit more about the girl who was, apparently, Yixing’s dream girl. Jongdae was genuinely interested; she’d never heard Yixing talk about a potential love interest before, and even though her finding a girlfriend meant no more good, casual sex with her for Jongdae, she was hoping this girl would notice and, foolish as it may be, fall for Yixing in the end.

They continued talking about silly, simple things for a while, but at one point, Yixing realised what it was that Jongdae was so carefully avoiding, or rather, who she was avoiding talking about.

“So,” Yixing said conversationally, narrowing her eyes at Jongdae, who knew straight away what was coming. “What has happened with you and Junmyeon?”

“I was so hoping you wouldn’t ask,” Jongdae sighed.

“I’m now ninety six percent sure you called me up for this,” Yixing replied, “the other four percent still thinks you just want to have sex with me.”

“Not everything is sex in this life, woman,” Yixing gave her a look. “Alright, alright, I’ll tell you.”

“You remember that party about three weeks ago, the one at Chanyeol’s, right?” Yixing nodded. “Well, that night I went there with Junmyeon, because she’d asked me and I felt like I could use a nice party,” Jongdae bit her lip before continuing, a sad smile on her lips afterwards. “To make it short, I went there with her and I thought that we were supposed to be together through it all and come back to the building together and everything.”

“Somewhere around four, I was subtly tipsy but not enough to think of getting home just yet. I hadn’t seen Junmyeon for the past couple of hours, so I decided to look for her, maybe to talk or just to be with her, I’ve no idea; it just felt like the right thing to do at that moment, so I did it.”

“I looked around, there were still many people dancing and talking excitedly as if it still were midnight. Anyways,” she grabbed the hem of her shirt, “I couldn’t find her in the house and thought that maybe she’d gone home without me, so I walked out to the backyard, planning on sitting on the swing set, if anything, to try and clear my mind before going home myself, and I saw her there, sitting on the grass with this guy I’ve seen in one of my advanced classes. Choi Minho or whatever his name is.”

“Now, I know now and knew then that what I was about to do was stupid, but I guess she thought it was even more stupid than I myself was aware it was.  I marched up to them and asked her very loudly what her problem was and why was she with that idiot sitting there when she had taken _me_ to the party.”

“Holy shit,” Yixing was taken aback by this, “Kim Jongdae, did you really make a scene in front of a girl who not only was crystal clear about your relationship but clearly wanted to get some dick instead of your scrawny fingers?”

“I did not invite you over so you could tell me what I already know.”

Yixing shifted in her seat, eating more meat and not saying anything for a while. Jongdae knew Yixing wasn’t really the type to judge, but it didn’t mean she wanted her to remind her how straight up idiotic her behaviour with Junmyeon had been.

“So?” She asked Yixing in her best effort to not let the silence linger enough to make her start having even more depressing thoughts.

“If you must really hear what I think…” Yixing trailed off. She stayed silent another minute before saying, “you probably know you fucked up tremendously, so I’ll not say it. Have you talked to her after that?”

Jongdae sighed, “yeah, twice. Once when she called to tell me we needed to talk, and once when we met to talk and she told me we could not continue our relationship because she didn’t want me to develop feelings she could not return. She also said something about her valuing my friendship or some shit like that but I can’t remember clearly because, well, that probably hurt a lot. She won’t answer my calls or texts anymore.”

“That’s ruthless. Never thought she’d be like that, at least not to you.”

Jongdae sighed again. She knew she hadn’t been exactly right to do that, but she hadn’t expected someone to think she wasn’t as wrong or as deserving of such a treatment for someone she’d considered a close friend for a long time.

“Neither did I.”

“Don’t you think it could be fear?”

“She’s very sure of herself and has strong convictions, and not once did she show weakness or fear of anything,” Jongdae told her. “She had a nice upbringing, albeit a bit strict, but she was very loved and cared for, I mean, her parents were busy, but she never had a nanny. They didn’t want their child to be raised by someone else, so they always made time for her. She seemed close to them, too.”

“That doesn’t mean anything, though,” Yixing said as she filled Jongdae’s glass again. “Listen to me, you talk about her as someone with a mind that is as wide as it is strange, someone who challenges you to see things a way you’ve never seen them before. What makes you think you don’t shake her up a bit, too?”

“I don’t know, I just don’t think she’s that kind of person.”

“But you can’t know for sure, can you?” Yixing told her, smiling soothingly, “Now, I’m not going to advise you to go and talk to her, because I think you should think long and hard about this in an unbiased way before you try to do that,” she told Jongdae, feeding her a piece of meat as she did so, “but I will tell you to quietly ask around. Maybe that friend of yours, the one with the short hair and huge bottom.”

“Baekhyun?” Jongdae asked, slightly bewildered by the suggestion. “You’re crazy. She’s close to Junmyeon, too.”

Yixing nodded, “I know, that’s why. She’s your friend too, isn’t she? I think she’ll be of help to you, at least.”

Jongdae told her she’d think about it and changed the subject quickly, not wanting Yixing to come up with an even worse idea.

 

 

“So…” A voice trailed off behind Jongdae, and she shut her eyes and cursed under her breath as she heard it continue, “A little birdie told me you were seen at a café with a certain Kim Minseok, who, everyone knows, has a ginormous crush on you,” the voice paused again. ‘Then, that same little birdie said they saw Zhang Yixing leaving your place after midnight, having come in at a much earlier time than tea time, and, everyone knows,  you two are the longest lasting fuckbuddies around campus.”

“I never realised I’d got myself a pet parrot, though. Must be my DID kicking in again,” Jongdae replied angrily, “Reckon Sonya is a bird lover.”

“Don’t get all funky with me, asshole. And don’t joke about mental disorders in front of me, a future psychiatrist.”

“It’s coming from someone who was raised by two of them. Believe me, you yourself will be making those jokes after three years of practice,” Jongdae rolled her eyes. “Why are you harassing me so early in the morning, Baekhyun? You even sound angry, and try as I may, I don’t recall doing anything to anger you at all.”

In all truth, Jongdae thought she deserved to be moody, and cranky, and rude all at once, because her air conditioner had broken and even with it working, she was barely getting any sleep, what with the Junmyeon issue still torturing her, and the amount of revision she was doing to keep her negative feelings down and her grades up, and it was driving her insane.

“Who the fuck even told you all that?” She added as an afterthought.

“So it’s true!” Baekhyun exclaimed, “you _have_ been doing that!”

Jongdae scoffed, “and that is surprising because…?”

“Because you and Junmyeon were dating, weren’t you!? You’re my friends, both of you, but now everything’s weird because Junmyeon isn’t saying anything about you, and you’re acting exactly like before, except now I see you less.”

Jongdae thought Baekhyun sounded slightly hurt, but she was making a valiant effort not to show it, and so, she decided to leave it be for once.

“We weren’t dating,” she said instead. “You knew that just as well as she and I did.”

“Oh, come on,” Baekhyun replied, rolling her eyes, “what kind of bullshit drama is this, Jongdae? Do you really think she’s heartless? Do you really think she doesn’t have any romantic feelings for you?”

“No, I don’t. I know for a fact she’s not heartless, but that doesn’t mean she wants me like that. She was the one to end whatever we had, and, honestly, I don’t blame her.”

“Why? What happened?”

Giving up on all pretence to continue reading her book, Jongdae closed it and turned around. She began telling Baekhyun everything that had happened, just like she’d done Yixing. This time around, though, she felt slightly less hurt about the fact that she’d fucked up the one thing she wanted but had always known couldn’t have, and it also felt somewhat freeing talking about it with someone who knew both well enough to understand their behaviours and decisions.

After telling Baekhyun the whole story, though, Jongdae just wanted a beer or six, and some fried chicken, because Baekhyun looked affronted yet sad, and Jongdae had a feeling that her words would hurt.

“I don’t believe this,” Baekhyun started, “and you haven’t tried talking to her again?”

“She was clear, Baekhyun, and I have my dignity. I tried at first, but she ignored every single attempt,” Jongdae replied, failing to mask the tiredness in her voice; “I know her well, and I can tell she’s absolutely done with me.”

Baekhyun sighed, “I thought she was going to ask you out, like, seriously.”

“Yeah, well. Everyone did, myself included.”

“This isn’t right,” Baekhyun said, turning around and walking away without even saying goodbye.

 

 

**From: Kim Junmyeon**

**(2017/10/20 13:09)**

 

Hi! I got your number from a friend of mine, Byun Baekhyun, do you know her? She said you’re her friend and that you wouldn’t mind me texting you. I’m Junmyeon; we’re in a couple of the same classes.

 

**To: Kim Junmyeon**

**(2017/10/20 13:32)**

 

? What

 

**From: Kim Junmyeon**

**(2017/10/20 13: 35)**

 

I was hoping you’d like to come to the indoors pool right now, I was told you’re free till three today. I’m here, I’ll wait for you.


End file.
